There But for the Grace of God
by ThistleThorne
Summary: Sam leaps into a difficult family situation that causes some memories of his own to resurface.
1. Chapter One

As the quantum fire faded from his eyes, Sam Beckett looked around in surprise. He was on the sidelines of a football field on the bottom row of a human pyramid. His arms began to shake and he could hear the squealing of the girls above him as his elbows gave out. He shook his head as the pyramid tumbled, finally noticing that he was dressed in a green and gold cheerleader's skirt.  
  
"Janice," one of the girls said to him as she pulled him to his feet. "I thought you said you could handle being on the bottom."  
  
"Uh, yeah, I was just distracted," Sam answered her weakly.  
  
"Yeah, I bet you were," the girl answered, looking out onto the playing field where the football team was practicing. "Mark is a real looker. And those pants. God, I love them. They are so tight and..."  
  
"Toni!" The reprimand came from the woman who appeared to be the cheerleading coach. "Pay attention to what you're doing and not to what's on the field."  
  
"Sorry, Miss Mathews," Toni answered with little apology in her voice.  
  
Toni went back to getting position as Miss Mathews came over to Sam's side. "Are you all right, Janice? You looked a little dazed there for a minute." She laid a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, Miss Mathews. Just got the wind knocked out of me, I guess," Sam answered her.  
  
"I'm sure Mark wasn't hurt by that tackle. Come on, I want to have this routine perfected by the end of practice."  
  
**********  
  
After what could only be considered a grueling practice, Sam followed the other girls into the locker room. Glancing around, he noticed that the girls weren't changing, just picking up book bags and heading out. With a sigh of relief, he began his search for "his" books.  
  
"Hey, Janice!" It was Toni.  
  
"Yeah, Toni?" Sam called back, heading in her direction.  
  
"Do you think Mark would consider going out with me?" Toni handed a bag with the name 'Janice Miller' on it. "I mean, I know I'm your best friend and all and he's know me forever, but I'd really like to go out with him, but he seems so shy sometimes. Could you ask him for me?"  
  
Sam was at a loss as to how to answer. He didn't know his relationship to Mark and didn't want to make promises that Janice wouldn't be able to keep when she got back.  
  
"It's okay, Sam. Tell her you'll talk to him." It was Al, Sam's holographic friend and only contact with his own time. "Mark is Janice's twin brother."  
  
"Sure, I'll talk to him," Sam answered Toni dutifully. "I don't think he'll mind that we're friends."  
  
Toni threw her arms around Sam in an enthusiastic hug. "Thanks, Janice. I really owe you for this. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, the girl ran out of the locker room, whistling to herself.  
  
Sam lowered himself to a bench and looked up at Al, who had pulled out the handlink to Ziggy. "If I'm here to get Toni and Mark to go on a date, I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"No, Sam, you're not here for that." Al had a very thoughtful expression on his face as he whacked the side of the handlink, causing it to squeal in protest. "You're name is Janice Miller. You live in Leeper, Pennsylvania... hey, Sam. You leaped in Leap." Sam glared at the hologram, not really in the mood for jokes. "Spoil sport. Anyway, you're 16 years old and have a twin brother named Mark, who, by the way, is a scant two hours older than you. You live with your father, John. Mother died last year from cancer. Let's see... Ziggy says you're here to per ... pervert ... no, that can't be right. Oh, prevent. You're here to prevent Mark from..." Al paused and swallowed hard. "...from committing suicide." Al read the message that scrolled across the screen and his face got even more pensive. "In two days, Mark is found dead in his bedroom. Seems he swallowed a lot of sleeping pills. Too many, damn it. Three months later, you, or rather, Janice, runs away from home and ends up on the streets. Kid's killed by her pimp in '92. It's October 14, 1987, by the way."  
  
"Why did he do it, Al?" Sam looked decidedly green. Just once, he wished he'd get an easy leap. Perhaps rescue a kitten caught up a tree or something.  
  
After another whack to the link, Al answered. "Don't know. Mark didn't leave a note, or if he did, there's no record of it. Kid had everything going for himself, too. Captain of the football team in his sophomore year, class president and good looks. Colleges are already looking at him now, for both football and academics.  
  
"That doesn't make sense, Al. A kid that has all that going for him doesn't commit suicide. There has to be a reason. Did he do really bad on an exam? Blow a game? Problems with a girl? What?"  
  
"Nothing here, Sam. According to Ziggy, he didn't have a problem in the world." Al punched the exit code for the Imaging Chamber. "I'll go do a little more digging. I'll be back as soon as I can. Have fun."  
  
"Thanks a lot," Sam mumbled to himself as the glowing door closed behind his friend, cutting him off from his own time. Sam gathered up his books and headed out of the locker room, wondering where he was supposed to go. He was saved that problem by the sight that greeted him as he exited. Toni was talking with a teenage boy and from the look on her face, it could only be Mark.  
  
"Come on, sis," the dark haired boy called out, confirming Sam's guess. He was standing next to what had to be the family car. "See you later, Toni. I'll call you tonight." He pulled the door open for Sam and waited for him to get in.  
  
"Bye, Mark." Toni leaned down to whisper in Sam's ear. "I didn't even need you this time. He asked _me_ out. See you tomorrow." Toni backed up as the motor started and waved as they pulled out of the parking lot.  
  
"You looked pretty good out there, Jan. What made them decide to put you on the bottom of the pyramid?" Mark chuckled. "It looked great, watching all of you take a tumble like that."  
  
"Very funny," Sam mumbled back, easily slipping into the easy banter that th etwo seemed to share. It reminded him of times with Tom and Katie back home. "How about that terrific pass that ended in the opposition taking it back for a touchdown? Do that during a game and it's goodbye game."  
  
"Yeah, I know," was the quiet response. Sam looked over at Mark and decided to see if he could figure out what was troubling him.  
  
"Listen, everybody makes a mistake or two. Even you. Don't let it bother you." Sam was looking at Mark carefully and noticed a slight shudder. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Oh, you know. I don't want to disappoint the team."  
  
"You won't disappoint them. I was watching. You're really good." Mark made a small sound that could have meant anything. "I mean it, Mark. All those colleges already looking at you and you've got to be one of the most popular people in the class."  
  
"You're not feeling left out again, are you, Janny?" Sam shook his head when Mark looked over at him. "I don't know, Jan. Sometimes, I feel like I'm pushing you into the background at school. I mean, for my sister, you're not bad looking and people seem to like you a lot. One of the guys on the team even asked me if you were dating."  
  
"What did you tell him?" Sam felt a little apprehensive at the mention of a date. So far, he'd been able to avoid this type of thing, for the most part, when he was a woman, but if Mark was setting him up with someone, he didn't know what he'd do.  
  
"I told him 'no' and that he'd have to do his own asking." Mark chuckled. "You sounded almost scared, Jan. What's the matter? Not interested in dating yet?"  
  
"Just not sure I want to date a football jock," Sam retorted easily as they pulled into the driveway of a small house. "You know how they are ... all brawn, no brain," he said as he got out of the car.  
  
"I'll get you for that," Mark yelled, getting out of the car and giving chase. Sam dashed for the door and made it in just before Mark could grab him in retaliation. The two were laughing when they ran into an older man, obviously their father.  
  
"Have a good day at school, Janice?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," Sam answered truthfully. What he had had of the day had been good. "I have homework to do," he said, hoping to avoid any intimate conversation until he got his bearings.  
  
"You can do it later, Jan." He turned to Mark. "How did football practice go?" he was asking as Sam headed into the living room. Sam could hear Mark answering him softly and then his father yelling. "How do you expect to get a football scholarship if you mess up in practice?!"  
  
Sam came back into the hallway just in time to see Mark headed down a side hallway and slam the door shut with a resounding BANG! He looked down the hall briefly and then at the man standing next to him. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing you need worry about, Jan. How about I treat you to dinner out?" He was smiling as he grabbed his coat.  
  
"Uh, sure, but I have to change first," Sam said, looking down at the cheerleading outfit he still wore. "Won't take long."  
  
"I'll be waiting in the car," he said as he went out the door.  
  
Sam headed down the hall and knocked softly on the door that had been so forcefully slammed shut minutes earlier. He heard a muffled "Come in" and did so. The room was dark, blinds closed against the late afternoon sun. Mark was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Dad's taking us out for dinner." He got a 'hurumph' in response. "Aren't you coming?"  
  
"No." Mark turned over so that he faced the wall. "He doesn't want me along anyway."  
  
"I do," Sam said softly, coming into the room and sitting on the ont bed next to Mark. "Listen, just because he got a little mad is no reason to get this upset."  
  
"I can't do anything right, Jan. You know that. My grades aren't good enough. I make a mistake at football practice, or worse, during a game. I'm not dating the prettiest girl. Everything I do is wrong." Sam heard the Imaging Chamber door open and turned slightly to see Al standing there. "Everything seems to be going great. He says he's proud of me and then, for no reason, he pounces on me again." He abruptly stopped, as if he had said too much. "Go to dinner, Jan. I'll see you when you get back."  
  
Sam jerked his head at Al, silently telling him to follow. He closed the door and noticed the room across the hall. Definitely a girl's room. Janice's. He went in and began rummaging through the drawers for cloths, talking to Al as he did so. "Did you hear all that, Al? Mental abuse, at least, maybe something more. If what you said about Mark is true, and he's getting this from his father, n wonder he snapped. Maybe his dad did something the day he committed suicide that shoved Mark over the edge."  
  
"It's possible, Sam, I don't know for sure. "Most kids don't kill themselves just because someone yells at them." Al as watching Sam ery carefully, a worried expression on his face. Sam didn't notice as he continued.  
  
"But if it's coming from someone they really trust and look up to? I mean, John seems like a very nice person and he obviously cares about Janice and Mark."  
  
"Sometimes, those we trust can turn on us, Sam. A loving, supportive person one minute, on their back the next for every little thing that goes wrong, or doesn't go wrong. It doesn't really matter." Sam started at that, something nagging on at the edge of his memory. Al bit his lip, hoping he hadn't said something wrong. "Sam?"  
  
"No, I'm okay. That just sounded familiar." He pulled a sweater over his head. "Listen, I have to go to dinner. I'll see you later, okay? See if you can come up with anything." Sam was headed out the door and down the hall.  
  
"Sure thing, Sam," Al said although his friend was already gone and getting into the car. Al punched up the exit command. "Gooshie, find Dr. Beeks. I think I may need her for this one." The door opened and he stepped through, disappearing in a rectangle of white.  
  
**********  
  
Sam arrived back at his home of the moment, pizza box in hand. He and John had had a very good dinner, as long as the topic of Mark did not come up. Every time Sam tried to mention him, John had very carefully steered the conversation in other directions. Sam went down the hallway and entered Mark's room, after knocking. He hadn't gotten a response.  
  
"Mark? You in here?" He stuck his head in, not knowing what to expect. "I brought you some pizza. It's pepperoni and mushroom." He heard a mumble coming form somewhere in the room and took it as permission to enter.  
  
"Thanks." Mark sounded sullen and Sam wasn't sure how to respond to it. "Just put it down on the bed I'll eat it later."  
  
"Do you want to talk? I'm a good listener." Sam wanted to help this young man and was rather surprised at the intense feeling of kinship he was feeling. Almost as if he knew exactly what he was going through.  
  
"No. Thanks, Jan. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Mark..."  
  
"Just leave me alone. Get out!" Mark threw a pillow at Sam as he ducked out of the room.  
  
Sam went across the hall to his own room, feeling very despondent. He quickly changed his cloths and crawled under the covers, wondering how he was going to get Mark to open up when he heard the Imaging Chamber door open. He sat up as Al made us appearance, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Have you found out anything more?" Sam whispered.  
  
"No, not really. I've been talking with Janice in the Waiting Room and she can't help. She knows her brother is upset about something, but not what." Al put the handlink in the pocket of his silver flight jacket. "I really came to check up on you. How're you doing?"  
  
"I'm fine." Sam looked at his friend in confusion. "Why do you ask? there's nothing all that unusual about this leap."  
  
"Oh, just checking," Al evaded. "Sometimes these leaps effect you more than you know."  
  
"Well, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." Sam lay back down as Al blipped out of sight. He closed his eyes and fell immediately asleep. 


	2. Chapter Two

*****  
  
Sam was sleeping soundly when Al made his appearance Janice's bedroom. He looked down at his friend, a very worried expression on his face. He turned to look at an empty space beside him. "He doesn't remember, Bena. thank God for little favors. Maybe it'll be all right." He shook his head at the answer he received. "He had a look once that I thought was going to lead to the memory, but it Swiss-cheesed. And I'm sure as hell not going to remind him." Al patted his arm and a woman suddenly appeared next to him as his hand touched hers. "I just hope he never remembers what that nozzle did to him." The woman nodded and took her hand off his arm, disappearing the minute she did so.  
  
Al looked back down at the sleeping man and frowned. Sam was beginning to move restlessly, head moving from side to side. He was mumbling words that Al couldn't make out. Al moved closer to the bed, kneeling at it's side. "Oh, Sammy, please don't remember. You don't need the grief." The expression on the normally hard face softened at the words. He reached out a hand to touch Sam's hair and pulled back when he remembered the touch was impossible.  
  
"I'm doing the best I can." Al started at the words coming from Sam and looked up.  
  
"Bena, you still there?" A slight pause. "He's remembering. What do I do?" A longer pause this time. "What do you mean, 'nothing?' I can't just sit here. There has to be something I can do." Al looked back down at Sam while listening to Dr. Beeks's answer. "You know I'll stay with him. He doesn't have to ask and he won't be able to chase me away."  
  
Al jumped back reflexively when Sam suddenly sat upright in bed, eyes staring and glassy. His breath was coming in gasps and Al wished he could put his arms around the younger man and drive the demons that were tormenting him away. He caught his breath and leaned back so that he was eye level with his friend. "You okay, Sam?" The question didn't really need an answer.  
  
Sam just shook his head, bewildered and a slightly lost look reflecting in his eyes. "Just a bad dream," he mumbled. From the look on Sam's face, Al knew that it was more than just a bad dream.  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
"No! Just go away, Al. Leave me alone," Sam snapped at him uncharacteristically. "It was just a bad dream." Sam fell back on the bed and turned his back to Al, pulling the cover up tohis chin and burying his face in the pillow.  
  
"Forget it, Sam. I'm not leaving. I can probably guess what the dream was about." Al moved around to the other side of the bed so he could face his friend. "Now talk."  
  
"It was nothing," Sam insisted, a hint of tears in his eyes. "Nothing at all."  
  
"Wrong, kiddo. I bet I can guess who the main players were." Sam gave him a disbelieving look. "Yourself and a certain Professor Sebastian Lonigro. Am I right?" Sam nodded, pulling himself up into a seated position. "I was hoping you wouldn't remember this, kid. I'm sorry."  
  
"Why? You weren't even there." Sam's voice was low and his eyes were focused on his hands. Al could see that his friend was headed for a major case of depression and knew he had to snap him out of it quick or he'd be no good for the rest of this leap.  
  
"No, I won't, but that sort of thing shouldn't happen to a kid, especially one like you," Al answered just as softly.  
  
"What do you mean, 'like me?'"  
  
"You were sheltered, Sam. Probably nobody ever raised their voice to you when you were growing up. And I bet your folks didn't believe in corporal punishment, either." Sam nodded at that. "What Lonigro did to you was criminal. If I'd been there, I would probably have taken his head off." Sam smiled grudgingly at the picture that brought to mind.  
  
"It wasn't that bad, Al. There were other people there who supported me." Sam was carefully examining his fingernails. "He never really hurt me."  
  
"Bull shit, Sam. He hurt you. It may not have been physical, but he _did_ hurt you. He was just plain jealous of your smarts and took it out on you the only way he could." Al took a deep breath to calm himself. "He could have totally destroyed you, Sam. Broken your spirit, that part of you that wanted to travel in time. And that's wrong."  
  
Sam looked up at the older man, eyes bright. "He didn't though, Al. I survived and proved my theories. He said that they would never work and yet here I am, traveling in time. I proved him wrong."  
  
"Yeah, I know." Al leaned over and looked closely at his friend. "You going to be okay, now, Sam? I...We were kind of worried." Sam smiled at the slip. "This could make this leap more difficult than others."  
  
"No, Al. It'll make it easier. I'd forgotten what it was like, but now that I remember, I'll know how to handle it." Sam let loose with a face splitting yawn. "I'm real tired. Mind if I get a little sleep?" he asked as he snuzzled back down under the covers.  
  
"No, I don't mind, pal," Al said softly as Sam's eyes closed in sleep.  
  
*****  
  
The next day went smoothly. Sam managed to ease his way through classes and was glad that Janice didn't have any tests. There was no way that he could face a 16-year-old's intelligence, especially since he'd already been at MIT when he was 16. Cheerleading practice went well and the pyramid managed to stay upright, unlike the day before.  
  
Everything also went smoothly at home. Mark and his father didn't argue once and Sam was beginning to feel like things were going to work out on their own without his interference. That is, things were going well until he settled in Janice's room for the night.  
  
"I don't care what other kids do. You're my son and you'll do as I say." A mumble coming from Mark that Sam couldn't make out was the answer and then the sound of flesh hitting flesh. That pulled Sam out of the room and across the hall in a matter of seconds.  
  
He flung open the door and stared at what he saw. Mark turned away quickly, but not before Sam saw the mark of John's hand on his cheek. John turned as the door opened. "Go back to your room, young lady. NOW!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts. Go. This doesn't concern you." John turned back to Mark, ignoring Sam's hostile presence.  
  
Sam entered the room rather than leave and pulled John around. The older man, surprised by his 'daughter's' strength, didn't fight it. "Stop it, Dad. Right now. Mark's not you. I don't know why you're pushing him like this, but please just stop."  
  
"Janice." Mark this time, chiding him gently. "Please, sis. It's okay."  
  
"No, it's not." Sam felt real anger and a little bit of the frustrated sorrow he'd never allowed himself to show about Lonigro until he'd finally talked to Verbena Beeks about it. Tears started welling in his eyes and he didn't try to stop them. "Dad, you can't do this. I don't know what's wrong, but can't you work it out peacefully." Sam turned slightly when he heard the Imaging Chamber door open. Al stood there, sympathy in every movement he made. "Yelling at Mark to be something he isn't will just make things worse. I can't stand it. I heard about a group that...." Sam choked back a sob, saying words that he wished he'd been able to say to Lonigro. "Dad, he's different. He feels things differently. Please, try to understand. I did some checking into that group. It helps families with problems. Please, can we..."  
  
"Janice," John interrupted softly. "This isn't any of your business and I'm not going to discuss my private life with a bunch of strangers. Now go back to bed and things will look better in the morning." He pushed Sam gently out of the room and across the hall. Sam heard the door lock when it was closed and began pulling on the handle.  
  
"Dad! Let me out! Please." The last was almost a whisper. Sam sank to the floor, not even looking up when Al walked through the door. "Please don't do this. I'm doing the best I can." Al started at the words; the same one that Sam had mumbled in his sleep. He knelt down at his friend's side, wishing he could take him in his arms and sooth away the pain.  
  
"Come on, kid. It's okay." Al was worried and visibly shaking. "Gooshie, get Bena in here, NOW!" He turned back to Sam. "Come on, Sam. Answer me."  
  
"I'm doing my best, Professor. Honest. I know it'll work." Sam's voice seemed younger to Al. Al looked up and nodded after a few minutes.  
  
"Sam, where are you?" Al asked anxiously, dreading the answer.  
  
"The Berkshire's, Professor. You know that." Sam's voice was small and scared.  
  
"You were right, Bena," he whispered. "Sam, you're not in the Berkshire's. You're in Leeper, Pennsylvania. You're traveling in time, Sam. You did prove your theories. You prove that bastard wrong a long time ago."  
  
Tear stained hazel eyes moved up to contact concerned brown ones. "Al?" Sam rubbed the back of his hand over his nose. "What happened?"  
  
"Things got a little too close to home, Sammy. You're going to be okay." Al pulled out the handlink and turned it on. "Now all you have to do is..." He glanced at the readout. "Is get out of here now and get over to Mark's room. He's going to take those pills now." Al dashed through the door.  
  
Sam could hear him yelling at Mark not to take the pills. Sam backed up as much as he could, put his shoulder down and rushed the door. The frame gave way with little effort and he crashed across the hall into the other room. Mark was just about to put a handful of pills in his mouth when Sam slammed into him. Both ended up in a heap on the floor. Sam hit Mark's hand as he tried to take the pills even while struggling with Sam.  
  
"Oh, no you don't," Sam growled at him. "I'm not going to let you kill yourself." Sam grabbed the pills and scattered them over the room. "You do that and you prove Dad right." Both were breathing hard when Sam finally let Mark go. "You going to do that again?"  
  
"Maybe," as the short answer. "No one would care if I did."  
  
"Wrong. I'd care, you idiot." Sam turned his head to look at Mark. "And dad would care, too, even if he doesn't show it now. He does love you. And he thinks he's doing the right thing." Mark snorted. "That's why I suggested that group. They'd be able to help him, and us."  
  
"Us?"  
  
"We get hurt by what Dad's going through, too, you know." Sam glanced at Al. "You need people who really care about you, telling you that you're okay, to be able to get through this kind of abuse."  
  
Al glanced at Sam, smiled slightly, and then glanced over at Mark and the quicksilver change of emotions on his face. "I think you're getting through to him, Sam. Why don't you tell him about a certain kid genius that you know? Might help both of you. And you're welcome." Al looked up. "Stuff it, Dr. Beeks. I think it will help."  
  
Sam smiled back at the older man, remembering his support when he finally told him about Lonigro and then back at the younger one sitting next to him and decided to take Al's advice. "Mark, I heard about this person. He was the youngest ever to go to MIT. Only 16. He was already working on his third doctorate when he met a professor who had roughly the same ideas he had. The two of them became friends, of a sort, and worked constantly together, trying to perfect this theory that they shared. Problem was, the kid soon outpaced his professor and then the problems started. The professor would treat the kid differently. Oh, they still worked together, but he would put him down, privately, and support him publicly. Called him an idiotic dreamer. A crackpot. Did everything but physically hit him."  
  
Sam stopped, remembering all the abuse that had been heaped on him and how much of it he had believed until he'd finally had the courage to tell someone. How Lonigro had cut apart what he had felt was a crucial part of his time travel theory and the angst that he had felt when this person he'd admired didn't believe in him. Al had dragged him down to Verbena's office five seconds after Sam had told him everything. It had been months before he felt that he'd gotten all the grief out of his system.  
  
Mark looked thoughtful. "So who is this _wunderkind_?" he asked finally.  
  
"Wait right here." Sam rushed into the living room and picked up a magazine he'd noticed earlier and brought it back into Mark's room. "This is him," he said, handing the magazine to Mark, smiling. Sam had always hated that photo but this time it was doing some good. Mark was carefully looking at the cover of Time Magazine and the picture of a person that they were calling the next Einstein.  
  
"Dr. Beckett was really treated like that? Is that in the article?" Mark asked beginning to leaf through the pages. He looked a bit skeptical.  
  
"Nope, I just heard about it. He didn't want it to be general knowledge, to keep the professor's reputation in tact. Perhaps he should. Might do some good for others, like you." In his mind, Sam promised himself that he would do just that when he finally got home. It would be good therapy for him and it might encourage children who were in the Sam situation come forward. He looked at Al, eyes a little glassy. A question was there as well.  
  
"It worked, Sam. Mark ends up doing a lot of good, after he and Janice, and eventually John as well, get some therapy. He uses a football scholarship he got to get a medical degree. He doesn't do anything major, just helps a lot of people, especially abused children." Al looked up form the handlink and smiled at Sam, who was now sitting on the bed. "Good job, Sam."  
  
"So, what are you going to do now?" Sam asked Mark. "Going to run back to those pills?"  
  
"Nope," Mark said. I'm going to go with my little sister to that group she told me about and see about getting a little help. That is, if you'll go with me?" Sam nodded and smiled at Mark. The last thing he saw as the quantum fire carried him off to his next assignment was Mark's answering smile. 


End file.
